the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
