Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
