i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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