HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
