I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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