am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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