They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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