woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
