i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
