the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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