That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
