so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
