using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
