I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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