He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize