would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
