Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
