I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
