I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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