he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
