don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
