he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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