She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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