If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
