giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
only you would photoshop your dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
