The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
