I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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