My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize