I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so much tequila, so little girl.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
