so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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