God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
