did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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