So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
