So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
