You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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