Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had to cum in my sink.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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