I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're making bets on your personal life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
