Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
