You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
