she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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