You're a womanizer and a bitch.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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