what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
