WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
