making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
