mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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