so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ok first of all what the fuck
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
