got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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