is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
