i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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