I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
