FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
