PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
