U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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