I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
