did you get engaged???
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
