I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
