Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
