You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
