I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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