I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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