i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
