I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
