Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
love makes seman taste better
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
