he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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