I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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