someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
