Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
