Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
