Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
